Somewhere during the last twenty years, I lost myself, I lost everything that made me, me. I lost whatever made me Frank.
When you’re lost or lose yourself, you’re no longer a leader, therefore, you’re easily led. If you don’t wake up, you drift further and further from your center because you’re being led astray.
In the absence of my shit, I’ve explored, I’ve experimented, and I’ve talked to people that otherwise, I wouldn’t have spoken to. In the end, I became good. Just good. I immersed myself in studies and learned all about astrology, numerology, spirituality, meditation, and so on. In doing so, I found something I was passionate about.
No more taking the wheel with the windows down on a hot summer night. I traded in the Caddy for a station wagon so-to-speak. No more arrogance, no more outspokenness, no more Frank. More listening, and less talking.
But… where has being good got me? It’s gotten me ignored, it’s hard to find a job, and I haven’t had a romantic partner in seven years. I bite my tongue now, and try my best to speak the truth.
People treat me differently because I’ve become a different person, but you see, there has to be a balance to this, and what I’m finding out is that people will shit, shit, and shit all over you as long as they feel like they can get away with it, and believe me, I’ve let people get away with some shit. No more however, no more.
I’m not asking for anything anymore, because at this point, I almost don’t care. If my life never turns out the way I thought, expected, or hoped, than I guess it wasn’t meant to be, but…..
…..no matter how scared I may be, I will never be controlled by fear.